How do you solve a problem like Maria?
- 5 Apr 2014
How do you solve a problem like Maria? Actually with great ease. She will just sink without trace in the reshuffle, stand down at the election, go and do something worthy and pray for a seat in the Lords which she won’t get. I know I should be, but I’m really not terribly inte...
A bad case of premature ejockulation in the Guardian
- 29 Mar 2014
If you heard two men screaming, “what the Fuck!!???” over breakfast this morning, it would have been the heart warming screech of horror from David Cameron and Nick Clegg reading the front page of the Guardian. For those not yet up to speed, let me give you a thumbnail sketch....
An Unexpected MP
- 15 Mar 2014
On Monday 17th March my book, An Unexpected MP, will be published by Biteback. It had a brilliant serialisation in The Daily Mail for four days and is mercifully scooping up shed loads of publicity. And for reasons which I cannot fathom it is the number one best seller in Cen...
Is Chris Grayling a sociopath?
- 8 Mar 2014
I should be gloriously happy. My book has been beautifully serialised in the Daily Mail for four days and will be published on the 17th March. And amazingly it’s creeping up the bestseller charts. But never before have I felt so utterly depressed and miserable. The profession ...
Night Mayor or dancing bear? Bozza's circus comes to town
- 2 Mar 2014
I nearly choked on my porridge when I read that the Times had splashed on a Cameron tells Boris to ‘put up or shut up’ story on Saturday. The splash? When all the other broadsheets were leading on that minor matter of Russian troops pouring into the Crimea? Bonkers. The thrust...
Come on KIPPERS wake up and smell the fuckoffee
- 25 Jan 2014
Dear old badger watching Ron Davis had his moment of madness at Gobblers Gulch on Clapham Common. And Gerald Rattner’s witty speech at an Institute of Directors conference that his jewellery company’s products were ‘absolute crap’ went flatter than a trainer bra, destroyed his...
Ninety five Tory MPs write to Cameron demanding the repatriation of our weather from the EU
- 12 Jan 2014
Today the Coalition was in disarray as ninety five Tory MPs sent a letter to David Cameron demanding that Britain repatriate its glorious weather from the EU, stolen by an undemocratic conspiracy of fat sweating Belgians and Ted Heath in 1971. ‘Enough is enough’ thundered Bil...
A strange week in politics
- 11 Jan 2014
This has been a very strange week for politics. George Osborne’s careful kettling of Labour and the Lib Dems over the £25 billion black hole in public spending was either an act of strategic genius or a catastrophic political miscalculation which will wrap the Tories in the ma...
The wonderful goatfucking Simon Hoggart
- 6 Jan 2014
Just a few brief words about the sad death of the Guardian’s Simon Hoggart. Simon was a good friend for many years. A giant amongst journalists and a truly decent, humane and kind human being. Not always qualities that are common amongst the shark pool of seasoned Lobby journa...
How the Tories can have KIPPERS for breakfast
- 29 Dec 2013
At last I have finished my book, An Unexpected MP, to be published by Biteback on the 25th March. It is now in the hands of the libel lawyers and my splendid editor, Sam Carter, so I can join the happy throng of commentators talking absolute bollocks about what next year has i...