If you are going to run an election on the cult of personality it’s a good idea to have a personality. Some of us warned that this was a misguided election and fraught with danger. And some of us warned that Corbyn would do far better than the polls suggested. But I certainly didn’t think for one moment that we would be in a worse position than we started this foolish fiasco. I am not sure whether May can survive this. Her authority is haemorrhaging. She has no mandate to speak of. The Lords will have fun and games with Brexit. And the Eurocrats will delight in her humiliation. Well at least ‘strong and stable’ has been replaced by ‘fuck up means fuck up’.

It won’t be long before the recriminations start. Crosby will need to clear his reputation. Winning elections is his business. Prepare for a bloodbath in the Sundays. The gruesome twosome will be much diminished and we might just have some collective decision making for a change. Although, as we will be propped up by the ghastly DUP, I just wonder what can fly in the Queen’s speech. Not a lot. Five years of doing bugger all is not exactly something to sell to the electorate. Oh, one thing you can be sure of, May will never be allowed to fight another election.

At least I got two predictions right. Ruth Davidson would give Sturgeon a bloody nose. And the Lib Dems would gain some seats. Ruth is a human whirlwind as well as a very human being. She is now in a very powerful position. She has saved May’s bacon. Anything she wants for Scotland she will get. If only she was leading the Conservatives. It’s a pipe dream, but she would be wonderful. Like May, Sturgeon’s authority is draining away. Forget about another referendum. It’s dead in the water. The union is safe. God bless Queen Ruth.

So let’s see whose tanks are on May’s lawn. Davis and Fallon will be giving interviews all over the weekend. Bozo will stay at the FO. She needs him onside.

The other interesting thing about the election is that the Tory press were ignored by the punters. Perhaps proprietors might appreciate that they don’t have as much influence as they think. No, of course they won’t. But the Mail will start gunning for May, the Telegraph will fall out of love and the Speccy will become very sniffy. It really is the beginning of the end for her. Six months tops.

I remember asking Merlyn Rees (former Labour Home Secretary) how he and Callaghan kept their minority government afloat. ‘Me and Jim just toured the tearoom and bars and asked the boys what they wanted.’ So if you see a white van outside Number 10 you can be assured that it contains the pork barrel. Cash will be thrown at Ulster like confetti. And Brexit? I suspect that the end is nigh.