I have been trying to work out the logic of Bozo making his keynote grab for power/speech on Brexit (delete where applicable) on St Valentine’s day. But it’s a monumental waste of time. A bit like Bozo. Perhaps he thought, ‘romance is in the air’. Not for the first time. After all, his officials have been trying to tell him that monogamy is not what his desk is made out of for months. Perhaps it is because the whole tone of his speech is holding out the hand of friendship and reconciliation to Remainers and Brexiteers alike. A great human rights extravaganza, perhaps reminiscent of Dr.King’s I Have a Dream speech. But a British version. Soft, cuddly, roses, soft toys and a few sips of English sparkling wine, laced with cyinide. Yet not so much of a dream as a nightmare. Let us build a bonfire of all those regulations that Brussels inflicts on our businesses. In future it will be British regulations. We will set the standards. We will not be a vassal state. Oh dear, empty vassals do make the most noise.

These people are delusional. And dangerous. If you are going to trade internationally it won’t work unless you have basic standards, by agreement. Which is how we operate now with the EU. As much as we would love to believe it, we haven’t ruled the waves for years. And our navy is only marginally bigger than the Swiss.

The truth about this speech is that it’s just another Bozo tantrum. Another grab for the headlines. Another selfish, cynical move intended to propel him into Number 10 with likes off that ghastly Mogg abomination. If that terrible day comes I will elope with Anna Soubry.

But just a moment. I have suddenly realised why he has chosen St Valentine’s day. To celebrate an attempt to end another trade cartel. It was 1929 and Al Capone was rather fed up with Bugs Moran muscling in on his bootlegging business. He was helped by another gang, Egan’s Rats. They massacred Bugs Moran and his crew. One man, Frank Gusenberg was taken to hospital with fourteen bullets lodged inside him. When the police asked him who was responsible Gusenberg simply replied, ‘nobody shot me’.

Not unlike the denial that it was said that the Turks were joining the EU or the NHS was to receive £350m a week.

Gangsters the lot of them