After the Pig’s revolution the farm had been requisitioned. But inside the Tory turkey shed they were voting for an early Christmas...

  • 2 Feb 2018

Piglet pressed his little nose close to the farmer’s window. How things had changed since those wicked people had been loaded onto the back of a lorry and sent to the free market and the farm requisitioned Inside comrade leader Corbyn sat rigid with fear at a large mahogany de...

My message to Conservative moderates? Take back control.

  • 29 Jan 2018

Does Bozo want to be Prime Minister or leader of the Opposition? His slash and burn policy is suicidal for both him and the Conservative Party. The hysterical screechings from Brexiteers, terrified of their own shadows, seeing apparitions of betrayal in every corner is meat an...

Britain has more in Common with Hawaii than you might think

  • 14 Jan 2018

The United Kingdom has more in common with Hawaii than you might think. Yesterday the fiftieth State was thrown into panic when an incompetent pressed the wrong button sending terrified Hawaiins to the nuclear shelters in fear of Armageddon. Yet barely a week beforehand the go...

The season of goodwill is over. Time to bayonet the wounded in a reshuffle

  • 6 Jan 2018

Now that the season of goodwill is over there is not a better time to start bayoneting the wounded. It’s reshuffle time. Whoop!! As an old hack, let me tell you the terrible truth about the process. None of the press have a clue about whose crawling up the ladder or sliding do...

Spider boy is running rings round Hammond. Such dark arts are a joy to behold

  • 7 Dec 2017

When Gavin Williamson was made defence secretary to squeals of derision, envy and bile I warned that he would be a force to be reckoned with if he picked a fight with Hammond. I am delighted to say that spider boy is playing a blinder. Hammond’s hounds were arrogantly mad to b...

My shameful past. When I watched porn with a minister, MPS and his private secretary

  • 2 Dec 2017

I suppose it has always been a golden rule in politics that you never kick a politician when he is down unless there are about a dozen of you. So why not put the boot in to Damian Green then as all’s fair in war and politics? A fair point, if you want to abandon the rule of la...

The Amazing Spiderman. The Tories will have a new super hero at Defence questions on Monday

  • 25 Nov 2017

Why is it always the Tories who get into a terrible mess over defence spending? Back in 1981 the splendid Keith Speed was sacked as Navy Minister because of his stalwart opposition to some swingeing cuts imposed by the Treasury and and accepted by the Defence Secretary, John N...

Expectations are so low of Hammond that provided he doesn’t fall over, the ceiling doesn’t collapse and a Juncker impersonator doesn’t storm the chamber with a £60bn bill, it will be a triumph

  • 21 Nov 2017

Philip Hammond is an odd chap. Despised by his civil servants at defence and the foreign office, the charisma of a bag of pork scratchings and the bonus of being blessed with the emotional intelligence of a tub of pot noodle. Worse, his Budget speech will be delivered with all...

I suppose we should be grateful that Priti Patel didn’t holiday in North Korea. But the Ratcliffe affair shows Boris as a lazy, careless, incompetent oaf. Madame must be bold and sack him

  • 9 Nov 2017

Well, I suppose we can all sigh with relief that Priti Patel didn’t holiday in North Korea. But my mind is in turmoil. I just can’t make up my mind who is more ghastly, her or Boris. Both are hopelessly over promoted, over rated and over exposed. Both are headline chasers. And...

This is not a good start for the new chief whip.he is meant to be calm under fire & sound in judgment, not behave like a panicky little shit. The treatment of Charlie Elphicke is a disgrace. Such treachery will destroy whatever morale is left

  • 4 Nov 2017

The hysteria, blind panic and the whiff of McCarthyism that has gripped all political parties in Westminster is unedifying and deeply damaging to all politicians. Two news items this morning that sent shivers down my spine and put anger in my belly was the way the Whips Office...