Politics is broken. Nobody believes a word any politician utters. They lie. They cheat. They are obsessed with power. They want to break the system, if only they knew what the system was they wanted to break. And they will smash the economy to get elected. No ifs nor buts. Welcome to the new era of political piracy. And the Jolly Todger flies over Number 10. 


There is a horrible symbiosis between the two major parties. Johnson, apart from being incompetent and lazy, is bloody dangerous. Not because of some demonic plan, but because he has no plan. The dead cat he threw on the table is Dominic Cummings, who is a splendidly faux sinister distraction. He might as well wander round Downing Street with a top hat, a cape holding a round object with BOMB written on it. He is the bogeyman to scare the children with. His other purpose is as a lightening conductor for Johnson. How long will it be before the cabinet start briefing against him? The nearer we get to Fuckmageddan is the simple truth.


Prime ministers love all knowing, dangerous, mythical beasts. They are usually creations of their own publicity which after a while exposes them for the ridiculous creatures that they really are. Thatcher had a nasty old man called Alfred Sherman. Cameron had Steve Hilton. Corbyn has Seamus Milne. Their egos tend to get the better of them in the end. They promise to build empires out of the rubble of whatever it is that they set out to destroy, but end up running a think tank in California because they think everyone is out to get them. It’s usually the one thing they get right. To them everyone is incompetent, stupid, lazy, off message, and doesn’t get the big picture, which is usually something they scrawled on the back of a Nando’s bill in their formative years. How long will young Cummings tolerate the inadequate worms who are lucky enough to benefit from his genius? However, anyone who has to work with a Cabinet with people as terminally dim as Priti Patel and Andrea Loathesome has my deepest sympathy. So is he our Messiah or just another Iago on an IPad? I suspect that he is neither. Just a very naughty boy.


So now it’s getting rough. It was the wicked Remainers who leaked operation  Yellowhammer. But don’t worry, preparations are far better in hand than when the traitor Hammond was in charge. Under Johnson the number of patients dying through lack of medicine will be far lower than under that bloody Remainer Hancock. Sorry, I meant Hammond. Hancock is now a pro sugar,  pro obesity, pro no dealer. And now a no hoper.


What really sends me into orbit is this new mantra that anyone who wants to prevent a No Deal is deliberately hell bent on stopping Brexit. Not only is this a lie those who propagate it know it. And this is followed up by another serially dim fellow who wants to purge the less than pure from Parliament, the Right honourable Owen Spode Paterson, leader of the Black Shorts.


So what will happen? Firstly, nobody in their right mind wants an election in the autumn because it’s on the old electoral roll and nobody answers the door when it is dark. And governments tend to lose them. So that makes it a distinct possibility then. But Number 10 is really ramping up the gung ho rhetoric for three reasons. Firstly, to put the wind up Johnny Foreigner, who, if you shout loud enough will always do as they are damn well told. To make impossible demands which we know cannot be met and therefore blame the EU for no deal.  And finally to put the wind up Tory members who might just contemplate bringing the government down.


Let’s think about this. Parliament has no intention of allowing a No Deal nor a Corbyn administration. The constitution is clear. After a vote of no confidence parliament has 14 days to chose a prime minister who can command the confidence of the House. After that the Queen has to dissolve parliament. The question is when. It is for the prime minister to decide the date. The thought that Johnson can just barricade himself in like an African dictator doesn’t fly. Nor Corbyn taking over after a cab ride to the palace.


I have little doubt that Bercow has dreamed up a plan to allow parliament a vote on no no deal legislation. So somebody is going to have to try and form an interim government to get this mess sorted. It has to be a mixture of all parties. It has to be a mixture of Remainers and leavers. And there has to be the will to respect the result of the referendum. Can they do it? God knows. But I have faith that there just might be enough MPs to put their country before their party. If they don’t the electorate will never forgive them.