It is time we spat in the hatred filled angry faces who dehumanise the bodies washed up on Europe's shores. It is time for Britain to rejoin the human race

2 Sep 2015 at 21:41

Like millions of others I wept when I saw the limp body of a tiny child being carried with dignity by a Turkish policeman from his watery grave. The bodies of his five year old brother and their mother followed in this desperate parade of wretchedness and death. They were not terrorists. They were not scum. They were migrants. And once, before wicked regimes deprived them of their livelihoods, their homes and their self respect and after the dead eyed smugglers took their money and their dignity, they were once human too. I am beginning to wonder with all the comfort of a middle class professional with a roof over my head and a decent job, whether we in the abundant west are losing our humanity too. Tonight’s images of that desperate family hopefully will be a game changer. Perhaps the contorted rage raddled faces of UKIP who are screaming that these people are scum might just be spat at by decent caring families who in their hearts are revolted at the indecision of Brussels and the handwringing of politicians who do nothing but turn their heads away in shame when the bloated bodies of the dispossessed wash up on our shores. And tonight I saw the look of anguish in David Cameron’s eyes on the BBC news. He more than most politicians has a strong belief in doing ‘what is right’. In the pit of his stomach he knows that we have to play our part in taking some of these people in. It is time for decency. It is time for leadership. It is time to do something which flies in the face of short term unpopularity. It is time for Britain to rejoin the human race.

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Boris has become the Norma Desmond of the Tories & wants his last close up. He could wreak havoc & destruction on Europe

1 Sep 2015 at 08:39

Over the next few months prepare to see more and more of George Osborne and less and less of David Cameron. We are witnessing a seamless passing of the mantle of power. By the time 2020 arrives there would have been no need to be a year or so’s introduction to the electorate. By then they would have visualised George as the man waiting in the wings. He would look like a Prime Minister simply because he has been allowed to. And yesterday’s delightfully cynical announcement of a £500m investment in Faslane was just the beginning.

Most commentators thought that Cameron was mad announce that he would not fight another election as leader of the Conservatives, but it was a shrewd move. The golden rule in British politics is that the favourite to win the leadership of any political party rarely does. Butler, Whitelaw, Healey, Heseltine, Davis and David Miliband bear painful witness to that. They lost for a whole range of differing reasons and different circumstances, but in the eyes of the chatterati they were all front runners.

What we are witnessing with the Tories is almost unique. A Prime Minister is anointing his successor in actions rather than words, which shows the personal trust that they have built up over the years. It could have been the easiest thing in the world for Cameron to have ditched Osborne as Shadow Chancellor when the going was rough with mad financial journalists baying for his blood. Rather than take the traditional route of allowing aides to brief against him Osborne moved into the same office as a public and personal demonstration of support.

All this Osbornisation (well, it’s hardly Osbomania) is driving the other leadership contenders nuts. Boris will become the Norma Desmond of the Tories refusing to accept that his political looks are fading and is no longer good box office. But he is demanding his last close up Mr. De Mille and will soon get it soon; Europe. The wailing of sirens and hooters should be reverberating around Number 10. This is when Boris will be at his most dangerous. This is his large chance for the big one.

Watch Boris very closely. Borisologists should scrutinise every word that he utters. Nothing is as it seems. He will feign loyalty to Cameron, but he is the Galileo of the Conservative party in that he is convinced that the political universe revolves around him. He will be invited by mischievous producers to pronounce on Europe in the hope of tempting him to depart from the script. The script? You must be joking. Not a chance. Keeping Boris remotely on message is like trying keep an alcoholic away from the beer tent. The first test will be how he votes or what he pronounces on government money being spent on ‘promoting’ the EU which has become something of a fetish for the Amish wing. The dilemma is whether you give him a proper job before the referendum campaign begins in the hope that collective responsibility might just keep him on side. But then there is the risk that he would do a Heseltine and resign.

So the perfect storm for Boris would be for a NO to remain in the EU vote. The architects of the the YES campaign, Cameron and Osborne could not possibly stay on. An guess who would accept the crown?

So whose side will Boris be on during the referendum? Why Boris’s of course! And you thought that Jeremy Corbyn will have problems. Yet the trail of Tory destruction wreaked by Boris on manoeuvres is Corbyn’s best hope of winning in 2020. It seems unthinkable at the moment. But……….it’s always the unexpected, unexpected. And the Johnson tanks will soon be trekking towards the perfectly manicured lawns of Numer 10 and 11.

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What a Ghastly, whining little shit Armani Andy is. Wallowing in self pity and crying foul before the game is even over

22 Aug 2015 at 16:39

What a ghastly, whining, unprincipled little shit Armani Andy is. I would like to say that he is a thoroughly revolting individual, but as he has never ever revolted against his party I can’t. He is a loyalist and doesn’t want to rock the boat. But he will shove his nose so far up the party machine anal passage that sniffer dogs would have to remove his head. Wow, that shows great leadership. If, God forbid, this oily little chancer and greaser ever became Prime Minister we know that his Party would always come before his country. Now in true Merseyside mode he is wallowing in self pity and about to scream to the ref that he was robbed even before the result is in.

His ludicrous and overweening ambition has made him a laughing stock to be trusted by nobody. His credibility doesn’t much exceed King Herod’s job application to become a baby sitter. Even an old cynic like me feels a sense of disgust at the antics of this awful little man who oozes a misplaced sense of entitlement. And now he is doing a re rat Marc Anthony. ‘I come here not to bury Corbyn but to praise him’, as Shakespeare might not have written. After slagging off Corbynomics he is psychotically desperate for a senior role; shadow Chancellor would be fun. But we all know that this is a ruse. He has trashed the hapless Yvette for being deader than a Gordon Brown grin and demands her second preferences. Corbyn will humiliate and destroy him. Well, life can be shit.

But enough of my Burnham charm offensive. Chuka and his chums seem to have stepped onto the set of Allo Allo. ’I’m from the resistance, I will only say this once’. The resistance? What a joke. These guys are finished. They will be purged. The left are a ruthless bunch. And as I imagine that Jezza wants to abolish the Lords there won’t be a peerage in it either. Their only choice is to jump or be pushed. Lessons can be learned from ‘dear friends’ in Hamas.

All this talk of entryism really is a little wide of the mark. The leftie baddies are only just beginning to remove the wooden stakes from their hearts and rise from the dead. When Corbyn is anointed they won’t be entryists at all they will be running the sweet shop. Time to bring in that old Van Helsing of the left, John Spellar. That guy really brings meaning to New Labour’s much revered obsession with the ‘stakeholder’. As corporal Jones used to say ‘they don’t like it up ‘em’. And that is the problem of Labour’s so called moderates who might be considered Papabile they are all so bloody dull and a bit of a joke. Where are the charismatics? Where are the guys who can set the pulse racing? And where are those who can make a jaded electorate pause for thought and allow a pencil stub to hover above a Labour box which is not a coffin. At the moment they are nowhere to be seen. Dad’s Army on tour. However………just remember the name Tom Watson. Whether he becomes leader, deputy or a senior member of the Shadow Cabinet, you will be witnessing the birth of a very big beast. He is the most credible threat to the Corbynistas available.

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The Maxwellisation of Inquiries must be curbed. It's like concluding that Fred West merely rearranged his patiio

15 Aug 2015 at 08:40

If your enjoyment of Celebrities Bake Their pets is being ruined by strange whirring sounds and irritating distortions, don’t worry it is probably the fallout of Mr. justice Forbes spinning in his grave. In case you have forgotten, he tried a civil case against the DTI brought by that great paragon of truth and virtue Robert Maxwell. Way back in 1969 a DTI Inquiry into Maxwell’s business banditry came to the perfectly sensible conclusion that Maxwell, ‘was unfit to hold stewardship of a public company’. M’lud though otherwise accusing the DTI of ‘committing the business murder of Maxwell’. To be fair to Forbes he was just setting out the basic principle that witnesses should be treated fairly and that before a report could be published which criticised named individuals they and their lawyers should have the right to reply. This is how the Maxwellisation of Inquiries began.

I really do feel very sorry for John Chilcot. Everyone is getting thoroughly pissed off with him from the Prime Minister downwards. The tabloids are screeching whitewash, cover up and accusing the establishment of sticking together like shit to a blanket. And the families of those who tragically died in Iraq are anxious to demand the truth and seek closure.

The trouble is that Chilcot inherited these rules and has to abide by them. The added difficulty for him is that there seems to be no limit on a witnesses right to reply. Well, there bloody well should be. Flotillas of lawyers letters are passing backwards and forwards and clogging the system up. And this is not the only inquiry bogged down in the swamps of obfuscation and red tape. The inquiry into the collapse of HBOS is still limping towards producing a report nine years on. This is insane and should be stopped. It wouldn’t happen in a court of law and it shouldn’t be allowed happen at an Inquiry. Counsel can’t bang on and on in cross examination in court. No sensible judge would allow it. He has to see that witnesses are treated fairly. So may we please introduce a little common sense here? When all reasonable avenues of replying to a criticism have been exhausted at an inquiry that should be the end of it. It is ridiculous that they give the appearance of being treated like old immigration appeals where every opportunity to delay is exploited.

Chilcot is bound by the judgement of Mr. Justice Forbes. Is it not beyond the wit of the Lord Chief Justice to issue a practice direction? Or if it is felt to be necessary, could not some short statutory instrument rectify this? These delays are no good for anyone. It unfairly makes Blair look shifty and casts a shadow over the other witnesses and damages the reputation of a thoroughly honest civil servant. I served with Chilcot in Northern Ireland in the early nineties and he is no politician’s poodle. But action needs to be taken now as it will be meat and drink for the Blair hating Corbynistas.
Oh, and I read this morning that anybody who has been criticised will not be named. Complete bonkerism which will undermine public confidence in the inquiry system. It would be like holding an inquiry into the activities of Fred West and coming to the conclusion that he had merely rearranged his patio. Years ago their was an interesting book written by a Parliamentarian called Communication. I do hope that it doesn’t feature in Sir John’s library as there is a fascinating chapter entitled How to avoid answering difficult questions. Ah, and I expect you want to know who the author was? Step forward Greville Janner. You couldn’t make it up.

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A Corbyn victory will herald a dramatic change of Tory tactics

13 Aug 2015 at 10:37

Unless Jeremy Corbyn has been found tweeting in his Paisley pyjamas or caught shagging a royal corgi he will be kissing the hand of the Queen on the 12th September as a privy counsellor and Leader of Her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition. And it won’t be an embarrassment for staunch republican Citizen Jezza. Ever since George V charmed Labour MPs with dinners and drinks at the Palace the Royals have have mastered the art of self preservation. I suspect that she will rather like him.

All this panicked talk of a Parliamentary coup against him from day one is nothing but piss and wind. Yes, it only needs 47 MPs to fire the gun, but the ammunition won’t be live. The PLP voted for democracy; tough if they don’t like the result. And if a few do spit in the eyes of their grass roots then there is nothing like a bit of deselection talk to concentrate the mind. And who would they try and parachute in as leader anyway? Yvette? Armani Andy? And why would the result be any different? It’s all headless chicken prattle.

What Corbyn has to do is hold his party together which has never been easy. His most important appointment will be Chief Whip. If Tom Watson doesn’t get the Deputy Leadership he would be perfect for the job. He is the fixer’s fixer. A charmer, but as tough as old boots. As all party leaders do Corbyn will try and manipulate the candidates list, pack the NEC and do his best to get some trusties on the PLP. The latter will be the most challenging. MPs don’t like being told who to vote for as Cameron found out in the botched attempt to rig the election of the chairman of the 22.

The Corbyn election is going to prove problematic for Mark Harper and his private secretary known as ‘usual channels’. Despite all the bluster and fireworks in the chamber getting government business through is about deals and compromise. Is Corbyn’s mob prepared to do this? Or will he be a purist and demand a vote on just about everything? Will the pairing system work or is it going to be a hard slog to stop government grinding to a halt? With a majority of 12 this is going to be a potential nightmare. MPs may have to face the horrors of all night sittings, which makes them even more bad tempered and fractious. And rebellious.

And the whole approach to PMQs is going to have to change. Corbyn is not a knockabout, boo ya sucks merchant. He is measured, he is calm. Cameron is going to completely re think tactics. No sneering, no knock out blows, no crowing. He doesn’t need to anyway. He is in power and he wants his legacy firmly in place before he bows out just before the 2020 election. That dopey Telegraph splash that he might change his mind is very wide of the mark silly season nonsense.
And what about bored and rowdy backbenchers? Someone is going to have to try a bit of cat herding to stop the ghastly braying and wall of noise that will greet Corbyn every time he gets to his feet. The public will hate it. Someone is going to have to boycott arrogance. Hah!

The Tory problem is that nobody under forty has a clue what it was like when the dead hand of the state controlled our essential services. They don’t remember how the unions controlled every aspect of our lives. If the print unions didn’t like a story it would not so much be spiked as a blank paragraph appearing in our papers. They don’t remember bodies being piled high because mortuary attendants were on strike and they have no experience of when double digit inflation was the norm. As it is the young who have been energised to vote Jezza it is the young who will have to be made aware of some very uncomfortable home truths. Not any easy task.

But what maybe Corbyn’s greatest problem is being seen to compromise, to water some of his policies down. The purists would throw their toys out of the pram. It is really scary to think that many Labour activist genuinely believe that the Tories hate the poor and want to grind their faces into the dirt. We have to show that we really do care, that we really are compassionate, that we really do want to change the face of Britain for the better for everybody, not just an elite few.

We are all on a very steep learning curve unless Armani Andy shocks us all and scrapes home. Then it’s back to boo yaa sucks politics which will suit many just fine.

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Jeremy Corbyn should dust down A Very British Coup and Spy Catcher. And hire a food taster

8 Aug 2015 at 15:00

Now here’s a little thought for conspiracy theorists. Way back in the early eighties long before Michael Foot’s famous electoral suicide note was even a twinkle in his eye, Chris Mullins was writing a novel, A Very British Coup. If Corbyn becomes leader of the Labour Party it might be a good idea to pick up a copy. Anyone under forty won’t remember it, but it was troubling and profound. The main character, Harry Perkins, was a Labour leader who won an election but never had the chance to exercise power. He wanted to unilaterally disarm, to leave NATO and introduce true Socialism. This terrified the armed forces and the security services. Poor Harry suffered a fatal accident. I am not for one moment suggesting that the British establishment would put out a contract on Corbyn if he was within a whiff of the Premiership, but it is worth making a list of whom he will seriously piss off. The rich, whose pips would be made to squeak. The middle earners who would see their taxes rise. The armed forces, who would be be cut to shreds. Israel, because of his links with with Hamas and Hezbollah. And America who could be terrified that sharing secrets with the British would undermine their security forces. Lastly, our own security services. They would be cut, their powers curtailed and rather than being at war with ISL they would be encouraged to invite them over for tea. It is a pretty impressive list of very dangerous enemies.

Yet the establishment isn’t the problem. Rogue elements within the security services, Mossad, American NSA veterans and a whole host of the weird and the not so wonderful could be very tempted to remove Corbyn and his chums from the scene.

The security services have always been suspicious of Labour and infiltrated the Parliamentary Party years ago. The obnoxious George Wigg was an MI6 man, as was that serial corrupter of young boys, Tom Driberg. Although Driberg was long suspected of being a double agent. MI5 had always fretted that there were Soviet sleepers on the Labour back benches. And they were right to be alarmed. Most people have forgotten about Peter Wright’s Spycatcher book. The Cabinet Secretary was sent to Australia to suppress it and became a footnote in history with his infamous ‘economical with the truth’ evidence. Spycatcher captured our fetid imaginations in those days. It is another book worth dusting down. There were many suspected Soviet spies, not just like Will Owen a backbencher taking £500 a month from Czech intelligence, but former Cabinet Minister John Stonehouse who was working for Czech military intelligence. And there was a very long list of suspects in and out of government.

In 1963 Labour Leader Hugh Gaitskell died of a very rare and strange disease, Lupus Disseminator, which attack the main organs. His doctor was so concerned that he visited Porton Down and MI5 to discover that the only way to catch the disease was to visit climates that Gaitskell could not possibly have been to. He was succeeded by Harold Wilson who was wrongly suspected to be working for the Soviets. Most have forgotten that rogue intelligence officers, right wing nutters and that massive ego that was Cecil King hatched a totally bonkers plan to remove Wilson and have him replaced by Lord Louis Mountbatten who ran a mile as soon as he got wind of it.

I only quote this as history, not as anything remotely that would happen. But if I was Jeremy Corbyn I would re read A Very British Coup and Spycatcher. I would also employ a food taster. Andy Burnham might be offered a job after all.

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David Miliband is a gutless little political prick teaser. His day has gone. Time for him to shut up

3 Aug 2015 at 14:49

God, David Miliband is an annoying little political prick teaser. Totally gutless, incapable of risk taking, and is desperate be be asked by the Blairites to come and save the Labour Party when Corbyn is defenestrated in 2018. Well, not even the International Rescue Committee can save Labour from itself. Oh David, if you hadn’t been so up your own privileged arse, treated your backbenchers like under keepers and stood up for what you believed in you might have just scraped a Labour victory. But what did you and what do you believe in? But the the Miliband era has gone. Firstly, you haven’t the courage to fight a by election and even if you did there is no guarantee that you would be selected. Which bed blocker is going to give up his seat on the distant prospect of a Miliband peerage? So either put up or shut up. All this coded nonsense will get you nowhere. At least Chris Leslie has had the cojones to reveal that Voodoo Corbynomics will actually harm the poor and vulnerable. Mmmm. Now Leslie is a name to conjure with for the future. None of the leadership contenders put their heads above that parapet with the exception of plucky Liz Kendall. But because she oozes common sense and electability, for now she is a humiliated. So who will lead the resistance? Burnham will probably want to be Shadow Chancellor in the hope that a number 11 bus or a seriously infectious disease is just round the corner. It doesn’t matter that his arithmetic is not very good. Neither was Ken Clarke’s. But if Burnham accepts the Miliband shilling he will be regarded as a Quisling. Of course, he will.

But the Corbyn backstory is something that could win him Miss World, Britain’s got talent and I’m a celebrity. His parents met as peace campaigners in the Spanish Civil War. He never went to Oxbridge, nor was he a SPAD. Yes, he did work for the unions, but as an organiser. He claims the lowest expenses of any MP, rides a bike and is a tee total vegetarian. Now listen to the next bit. In 2013 he was awarded the Gandhi International Peace Award for ‘upholding the Gandhian values of social justice’. Blimey, the man seems to have no redeeming defects.

If Ed Miliband had a bit of a grope and a no tongues snog with the SNP, a Corbyn Labour Party will be swinging from the chandeliers with them. And not a condom in sight. Yet as the Tories have only a majority of twelve and at the mercy of death, trouser fallings and General twattery, it could be that Great Britain would be the one who is unprotected. Do not right off Corbyn as someone who is destined to fail. In the normal laws of politics he would be an unmitigated disaster. But the laws are being rewritten. Quite honestly, you might as well sacrifice a chicken and examine its entrails for the answer.

Being deputy Labour Leader is not usually worth a bucket of warm spit. It’s just a ridiculous title with no power and little influence. Come September it may be worth having. If, as looks increasingly possible, Caroline Flint is elected, she will be the true voice of the PLP. Power and responsibility. And for once, she would not be there as mere window dressing, but as a front passenger on a white knuckled ride on the Corbyn roller coaster. But to where?

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Corbyn showed honesty and class on Marr. He is no longer a joke candidate

26 Jul 2015 at 10:06

The scales have been lifted from my eyes, my Damascene route to enlightenment has begun. I have become a Corbynite. Of course, his analysis is hopelessly wrong. Of course I could never vote for him. But what shone through on Marr this morning was his total belief in what he says. That he has policies and ideas that come from the heart and not a gaggle of smart arsed advisors and horribly inclusive focus groups. There will be a lot of talk about entryism some of which is true. There will be a lot of talk about abandoning the election. It won’t happen. It’s game on.

What was so shocking about Marr’s interview was that Corbyn answered direct questions directly. It is terrible for a seasoned Westminster man like me to admit that over the years I have been lobotomised by stealth. The passion has been replaced by triangulation, equivocation and eventual sanitisation. Could you imagine Andy Burnham being asked if he was a Marxist and replying, ‘now that’s an interesting question, I haven’t thought about that for years’? Burnham who has become more of a faux chuckles merchant than even that old fraud Farage, would have laughed it off. Yvette would have put on her anguished face. The trouble with Yvette (discuss) is that she doesn’t have a personality just a series of emoticons that some advisor employs to pass off for serious thought.

I can understand why Corbyn has got so much support from the young. He remembers why he joined the Labour Party. Because it was rooted in working people, community and Socialism. A health service that works and is free at the point of use, a job with decent working conditions, a roof over one’s head and a net to catch the poor. Really it was pure Macmillan, but that’s an argument for another day. Over the years the People’s Flag has become beige. Under Corbyn it will be deepest red.

Many commentators compare him to Michael Foot. In his day Michael was a passionate and moving speaker. When his name flashed up on the announciater we all crowded in. He had beliefs, he had principle, but by the time of the 1983 election he was a shadow of himself and his manifesto rooted in the forties. At the moment Corbyn is full of passion, humour and a twinkle in his eye. He has converted Footian beliefs into something accessible to the young and the dispossessed. He has given them hope. I happen to believe that it is a false hope, but that’s not the point. His views on nationalisation struck a populist cord. They wouldn’t stand up to an Andrew Neill battery clip interrogation, but they are superficially attractive. ‘We spend billions of pounds a year on investing in railway infrastructure then we give it to private companies……every house has one electric wire one telephone wire yet there are a number of companies pretending that they are competing for our business in a false market’. It is a flawed but attractive argument which will resonate with some.

Years ago I represented a man for being part of a horrific gangland execution. His defence was that he was not there. It was rubbish and in the witness box he was appalling because he was clearly lying and equivocating. After his dreadful performance he said that he wanted to change his story and tell the truth. I applied to the the judge (now deputy President of the Supreme Court) and he agreed. My client went back into the box and was brilliant. He was acquitted because he was a man who was clearly telling the truth.

It’s the same with politicians. People are sick of carefully drafted slick answers which are meaningless pap. They can smell when someone is telling the truth and they have sniffed the authenticity of Corbyn. He may be an old fashioned tax and spend Socialist, but at least he believes in it. What on earth do Burnham and Cooper really believe? Probably not even in themselves.

Marr was a watershed for Corbyn. And it’s not necessarily down hill all the way. Oh, and what was the one phrase that didn’t quiver from Corbyn’s lips? ‘Let me be clear’. How refreshing.

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The end of Bercow. And the new blood sport of Boris baiting

22 Jul 2015 at 11:59

I am getting rather bored with this ‘will he or won’t he’ Corbyn chatter. Jon Rentoul’s analysis is spot on. He hasn’t a clue what the result will be except that it will be bad for Labour. The Tories only became electable when they exorcised the ghost of Margaret Thatcher and Labour will only win when it comes to terms that Tony Blair isn’t the devil incarnate. This will take a while. But the indelibility of the Corbynisation of Labour is bad for Britain. Governments need to be held to account or else they wallow in complacency or even worse, arrogance. At least Blair stopped the dangerous swings of left to right at election time. Concensus politics should not be dirty words. What is so worrying about the left, and I must include the SNP in this, is the sheer venom and bile that is reserved for the middle classes. And the personal nastiness against anyone who dares put forward a contrary view. The ugly, angry contortions of hatred and rage that was a hallmark of the Scottish elections are a reminder that the left can be a humourless, dour, driven rag tag army of unpleasantness.

But enough of Labour’s arsehole searching. I am more interested in the two big beast Bs of politics; Bercow and Boris, who seem to have the gift of making the wrong enemies, in particular Osborne. It might be said that they are their own worst enemies. Not while George is still living and breathing. Whether it is because of his own personal demons or because he is bored with the job, putting down the Chancellor in such offensive terms means that the days of his Speakership are numbered. He will leave not at his own convenience. This is a shame because he has been rather a good Speaker in many ways. Perhaps he blames Osborne for that clumsy and politically inept coup attempt by Hague in the dying embers of the last Parliament. Who knows, who cares? But if I were Lyndsey Hoyle I’d be measuring the curtains at Speaker’s House. Poor old Bercow has lost his Labour human shield.

And now for Boris. Oh dear. Paranoia seems to have set into the Johnson camp. Except that they really are all out to get him. Making an enemy of Osborne is a lethal error, but making an enemy of May is mortal. And buying a few second hand water cannons from the Germans that have sixty seven faults shows an amazing arrogance and lack of judgement. They will be his own watery Edstone. Will it the the SUN or the MAIL who gets the first photos of their graveyard? But these are not his worst unforced errors. Rolling up to political cabinet unprepared is a gift to his enemies. And not smoozing the new intake of Tory MPs again points to arrogance and lack of judgment. The way to the leadership is preparing the ground, building alliances and making people think that you think that their views are of monumental consequence. This is the Boris problem. Despite the bonhomie and humour he has never been a clubbable fellow. He should be working the bars and the tea rooms. He should be sending little congratulatory notes to the newbies after their maiden speeches. You don’t become leader because throughout the shires ladies of a certain age swoon in damp gussetted admiration. But his worst error of judgement is to moan about his humiliations. ‘He has been so loyal’ squeal his team. Really? I must have blinked. His people have been briefing against Osborne and Cameron for years. Boris baiting appears to be so much more fun thatn Angry Birds and Fruit Ninja. And the more he moans about it the more pleasure his taunters will enjoy. The real point of it all is to plant the simply question in the public mind. Is Boris good enough? We shall see.

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Welcome to Fuckeroo territory

17 Jul 2015 at 16:07

I suppose it should not be forgotten that on the same day Jeremy Corbyn confounded his critics and propelled the Labour Party into a death spiral and Tim Farron was elected as Lib Dem leader Disneyland was opened in 1955. All three are interconnected and best summed up by a member of the shadow cabinet as ‘we are now in fuckeroo territory’. Some fuck and some roo as Churchill might not have said.

But it marks the end of an electable Labour Party, which is rather sad. They cannot survive this. The party has already swerved to the left. Poor Hattie came out with some remarkably sensible views about benefits on Marr last week. They have been strangled at birth. The party could be led by Burnham, but they can’t win with those sort of policies. They can’t be led by Cooper either. And poor sensible Liz is the devil incarnate. It is the end.

But what a wonderful opportunity for Tim Farron the highly energetic and slightly left wing Lib Dem leader. He is savvy enough to spend the summer love bombing not so much the Blairites, but those who would rather like to keep their seats and perhaps get back into government on some distant day.

For those of you who think this is all a little far fetched ask yourself what would have happened if the Tories had elected Bill Cash as leader or he had come a respectable second. There would have been mass defections. Tim is new, young, charismatic and is perfectly capable of showing a bit of ankle to what can only be described as Fucked Labour. This really is his chance to break the mould. Labour failed in Scotland because they were perceived as not being Socialist enough and failed in the south for appearing to be too Socialist. The trouble is that Socialism is about as fashionable in England as flaired trousers and vaginal deodorant. So what do the likes of Umuna and Hunt do? Sit it out for three years and then pray for a new leader? This seems to be the current wisdom but it’s not very wise. In Labour La La land the turkeys not only vote for Christmas but they preach how wonderful it is. The trouble is that the anti austerity argument has a bit of traction now, but unless Osborne totally screws up it won’t be relevant in 2020. Ah,the joy of 2020 vision. So what will the man on the Clapham Omnishambles do? Run for the hills.

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